Giving up the Ghost

The process of selling Rose has been trying at best. There have been MANY ups and downs (I think the Universe has been trying to tell me something) and quite frankly, the fact that I fundamentally do not want to sell her isn't helping.

Last December when I decided to sell her I was in a very different place mentally. I was EXHAUSTED. JR hadn't slept more than 1-2 hours in a row at night for the past four months (at the time, it would still be two more months before we finally got that straightened out). I was teaching at the University, coaching the IHSA team, helping Hubs with his business, trying to run mine, and being a stay at home mom on top of it all. Of course I committed to all of these commitments BEFORE I had the baby. What idiocy became me back then. I cringe at my pre-baby ramblings of how I could do it all. Faced with an overwhelming amount of stress and lack of sleep, I went into self preservation mode. I started picking off one obligation after another in the vain hope that I would finally get some sleep, no matter when or where.

My fall semester class ended, I quit coaching the riding team and then it happened.

Rose stepped on my foot. She stepped on it good too. She got the big toe, second and middle. I'm sporting some glorious home grown nail polish this season. At least I still have toenails for which to paint, I'm happy about that. Thank goodness for proper footwear. I shudder to think what would have happened had I on anything other than riding boots.

Sad sad toenail...hello pedicure!

In that moment, every challenge I ever had training Rose (despite overcoming them all) came flooding back to my sleep deprived consciousness. I didn't see the accomplishments, or things we over came, or my beloved horse at that moment. I simply saw her as one more obligation that I could get rid of. One more "out". So the task of getting her back into shape and sale ready began.

During that time I looked at Rose with fresh eyes. With a buyer's eyes. Where I used to tolerate some silly baby behaviors I now demanded compliance and perfect behavior. Ground work ensued. Lots and lots of groundwork. She got back in shape, burned off some fat, and her stellar work ethic re-emerged. Somewhere along this point we became a team again. That was the relationship I had been missing when I was too big and too exhausted to ride or work with her. During this time JR started sleeping through the night and I finally got sleep. I could think again and sound somewhat intelligent. As a result, for the past couple months I have not been wanting to sell her anymore, but have stuck with it as I felt that now I should or had too. I knew I was in trouble after having a wonderful time at the barn, and then getting in my car to drive home and feeling sad that any day she could be gone.

After much reflection, I'm giving up the ghost and taking Rose off the market. This means Miss Thing gets a break and I don't have the stress of selling her to deal with anymore. I have a HUGE work project that is kicking off tomorrow and will consume my days for the next month. I doubt I'll be able to ride much, so it would have been impossible for me to keep her in full work and sales ready anyway. Oh and showing this season? Ha! There is a joke and a half. Maybe next year.

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On the side: Ghost is a really weird word to spell. I've never noticed that before, but it struck me as very odd this evening.

Happy trails and swooshing tails!
•DS•